Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
