I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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