i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
