I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
