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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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