Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you win again, gameday.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
