I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
