using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
