GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
