my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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