I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
