is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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