he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
