Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
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