possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
