so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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