we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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