if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
