that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
