it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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