I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
