I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
