Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
