I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
