life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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