walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
