i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
