Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
