i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
