He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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