I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
