Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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