I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
