I murdered the dance floor call the cops
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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