Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
