Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You are the jesus of drinking
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
