My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
