Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
