And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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