atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
