today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
