you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
