Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
