I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
