So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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