I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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