woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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