I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
birth control should be required to get into college
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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