You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
