Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
