You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
