I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
